A letter to Galbatorix
by February Breeze
Summary: Basically what the title says . . . I got really annoyed with the ending to Brisingr, so I decided to complain to someone  that someone being Galby  about it.   Please note there are spoilers for Brisingr  duh!
1. Chapter 1

Dear Galbatorix:

You are probably wondering who I am. Keep wondering, I'm not gonna tell you. The only thing I will tell you is that I hate you, and you are in trouble. Why, people might ask, is Galby in such terrible trouble?

Well, it isn't because you killed the riders. No, that annoyed me, but it isn't what got you into trouble.

It isn't because you almost made dragons extinct, even if that was a very dangerous move to make. You even wouldn't be in trouble if you had just stuck to having thousands of innocent people killed while you sit in your big castle (probably funded by the tax money payed by working class people), make up freaky schemes and generally be a madman. No that would have been normal human behaviour, and I would have accepted that.

So you see, up untill this point, you are a completly innocent (if a bit gross) man, but that couldn't last. You had to do it didn't you. You killed Oromis. I don't care if he says "no one individual is more important than winning this war", killing Him is still more of a crime than destroying the lives of every being in the universe. So, since you (I don't blame Murtagh, it wasn't his fault) commited The Ultimate Crime (which is killing Oromis, just in case that hasn't entered your brain yet), I am going to have to punish you. Not kill, punish. Killing you would mean you where beyond my reach, you would be Resting In Peace, and you don't deserve something like that. No, The Ultimate Crime deserves The Ultimate Punnishment, which is quite simple: I am going to kidnapp you, and make you listen to my Biology teacher explaining the different types of animal, over and over again, for the rest of eternity. This may not sound so bad, but wait untill you meet my Biology teacher.

Sincerly, you most passionate enemy, AnonymousOromisFangirl.

PS. Sitting in a castle answering _one question_ for decades? Honestly, get a life!


	2. Galbatorix's answer

_What the heck? _Galbatorix thought to himself as he read the letter.

He then read it again.

And again.

No, it wasn't a prank.

It wasn't a mistake either.

It was certainly a threat. He was being threatened. By somebody he had never met and who probably had a rather profund lack of survival instinct, or sanity, or both.

He read the letter again.

"Sire?" A guard entered the room.

"I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed"

"Yes, Sire, but this is an emergency. Our spies report that the Varden are planning to attack the city tonight"

"Bah, let them try! I have more important things to deal with... the Varden are no match for me! Don't react to anything they do! Let them come to my throne and do their best!"

The guard was silent for a moment, and Galbatorix almost thought he would refuse, but in the end he answered: "As you will, Sire" and left the room, closing the door behind him with a sharp _click_.

Galbatorix sighed and picked up a vulture-feather quill. Then he unstopped a bottle of ink.

He shuffled through his papers to find some parchment.

** Dear AnonymousOromisFangirl,**

** If Oromis was family or a friend of yours, may I offer you my sincere condolences, as his sad death was simply a tragic accident of war. He was not meant to be lost, and indeed, none is more sorry than I, for I much admired him for his wisdom and kindness, and would have much loved to have him as a member of my court.**

** If you, however, didn't know him, may I ask why you care for his death? Why the passing of one individual matters so much in comparison to the rest of this terrible mishap?**

** I would much appreciate an answer.**

** Also, you mention that I killed the riders. My dear, if I may use such coloquial frasing, I was doing the world a favour. The riders, despite popular rumour, were not good people, but a group of self-centered old fools. **

** As for the dragons, that was, like the rest of this whole affair, all a mistake. There is nothing more to it.**

** I do not have thousands of innocent people killed every day, only thousands of guilty ones. **

** I don't know why you call me a madman, as I assure you I am perfectly sane-**

Galbatorix paused to consider this. He knew he wasn't normal, but he had never considered himself mad. Only different.

**-and if I may offer my advice, do not insult people in such a manner when you have never even met them, for it may anger many a powerfull individual, and not all are as forgiving as I.**

** If you wish to kidnap me, feel free to try, but please don't hurt yourself in the process. **

** What is so terrible about your Biology teacher?**

** Yours sincerly, Galbatorix Arougheth Lucasson.**

Galbatorix

** PS.- It is a rather complex question.**

"Resend" Galbatorix whispered in the ancient language, and the letter disapeared.


	3. I speak posh

After reading Galby's letter, I got myself a pen and some paper and started writing.

**Dear Galby,**

** No, I haven't met Oromis, but that's none of your buisness.**

** If you have a problem with me calling you a madman, you can deal with it, not speak to me like I'm a little kid!**

** The riders are the coolest most awesome-**

I stopped. This wasn't right, I was letting my anger do the writing. It wasn't at all controlled by me. And that's what Galby wanted. He wanted me to lose controll.

I started again.

**My dearest Galbatorix,**

** Please forgive me if I do not accept your condolences, but I do not wish for them, and I do not strive to posess that which I do not wish for. I'm rather more interested in the things I ****do**** wish for. For an example, vengeance. Don't be frightened, it's only an example.**

** I have never met Oromis in person, but you could say I know him. No further explanation is needed.**

** You have your own opinion on the riders and I have mine. The fact that they differ drastically is just a... misfortune. I believe the riders to have been good, and you cannot convince me otherwise. If I may point it out, you appear to have contradicted yourself: Oromis was one of the riders, so in the same letter you have called him both "wise and kind" and "a self-centered old fool". Just three paragraphs apart. Just thought I might point it out.**

** You say you only kill guilty people, but who is to judge the guilty from the innocent? You believe yourself to be so great as to have the right to serv justice on others? With no help from a dury or any other hint of democratic fairness? But of course, you are a dictator. You have no consideration for democracy. Tyrant, that's what you are.**

** I apologise, I shouldn't have called you a madman. What I should have said is this:**

** "(...) make up freaky schemes and generally be a royal madman, Sire. (...)"**

** Does that meet your standard of courtessy?**

** I hope, for your own good, that you are not sane. If you are sane, you are a terrible person and shall be cursed for the rest of all eternity. But fear not, I am sure you are perefectly loopy.**

** Finally, I accept your invitation. Please expect to be kidnapped around 8:00 pm tomorrow night.**

** Unkind regards, AnonymousOromisFangirl.**

AnonymousOromisFangirl

** PS.- If I told my teacher that I didn't finish my exam because "one of the questions was rather complex", do you honestly think he would pass me? No. So my dear Galbatorix, you recieve an F. Please try harder next time.**


	4. The final straw

"It's to easy" commented Nasuada "Surely he wouldn't just let us walk in and take over his castle without putting up a single defence? It has to be a trap..."

"There's nothing we can do about it now, just wait and see how Eragon does on his own" Jormundur answered her.

Eragon took a deep breath and charged through the door.

"Die Galbatorix!" he cried.

"Y-y-yes please" came a whimper from behind a screen in the corner of the room.

"Galbatorix?" Eragon pulled aside the screen.

"P-please, kill m-me" murmured Galby.

Eragon was astounded with what he saw: the king was curled up in the fetal position, his eyes rolling around aimlessly. He looked very thin and grey-skinned. Next to him sat a teenage girl, probably about fourteen years of age, grinning manicaly.


End file.
